I’m starting to think that I’ll be single forever and I’m not sure how I feel about that.  I mean, I don’t mind being single — I can watch whatever I want, there isn’t any drama, I don’t have to clean after anyone else and I can eat chips and salsa for dinner if I feel like it.

I’ve had a few long-term relationships, but I knew from the beginning that I wasn’t going to marry these guys.  The two boyfriends I would have married — one was already married and the other chose someone else.  I think that is the hardest to take is that no one has chosen me…no one in this wide world has wanted to be with me.

Every now and then I’ll get a message from one of these two ex-boyfriends, and it breaks my heart.  Which is the impetus for today’s post, I received a new message yesterday that he missed me at an event this past weekend, he was hoping to catch up.  I’ve been in love with this guy my whole life but it’s never worked out for the two of us.  I hate that his message makes me excited because I know that he’s just being a friend and just asking how I am.  Not interested in anything else.

I keep telling myself that there’s plenty of time and someone will come along.  I’m thinking that I have to embrace the fact that may not be true and maybe I’m meant to be single.

It’s always so uncomfortable when people ask “why are you still single?”, “why aren’t you dating anyone?”, if I knew the answers to these questions I probably wouldn’t be single.  I mean, I don’t mind being single, but having someone to share my life with does sound nice.

I know what you’re thinking, “have you tried online dating?”.  Yes, I have on a few occasions for about 3 months at a shot. Online dating is the fastest way to go on a bunch of dates.  However, I’ve always been disappointed.  Either the photos are old and the guy doesn’t resemble his photo, or on the first date he asks either or both of these questions “So how has your experience been?”, “what are your deal breakers?”.  Let me tell you — both of these questions are “deal breakers” on a first date.

When I sign up for one of these dating sites, I always make a rule that I will say “yes” to anyone who asks me out on a date – because you never know who you’re going to meet and I also like to give positive reinforcement to guys who take a risk and ask you out.  However, after a few disappointing dates, I find that I cancel more dates than I go on.  So what is the point?

Doesn’t anyone want to “date” anymore?  I mean, maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I’d like to hang out and get to know someone before I have to decide if “you’re the one” on the first date.  I guess it’s understandable, we live in an immediate satisfaction world.

I guess I need to put forth more of an effort and maybe this fall is a good time to start.